


From these bruises flowers grow

by Booklover1217



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, M/M, a little bit angsty in the beginning not going to lie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:33:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25160188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booklover1217/pseuds/Booklover1217
Summary: Alec Lightwood has lost so much in the last nine months, the love of his life disappearing without a trace or a single word of explanation, after they'd been close to getting back the love that had become his world, a blow he thinks he may never recover him. But could the sudden shocking arrival of astranger from the future, shatter everything he has come to believe about Magnus leaving him and change his life forever?
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, this my first fic for the Shadowhunter Chronicles, a fandom I've just found myself coming back to in the last few months, devouring the books once again, and the news I didn't even known existed and I just haven't been able to get this idea from my head. I hope you enjoy and if you do please leave me a review.

Alec Lightwood was hiding. He wasn’t too ashamed to admit it, at least to himself. He was just so sick of everyone looking at him as if he was going to fall apart any minute, always tip-toeing around him, afraid to say  _ his  _ name around him, as if it would somehow set him off. It was too late anyways. He’d been broken for so many months, shattered into so many little jagged pieces that he was sure nothing could put him back together, ever since he first realized that Magnus had left for good and that he was likely never coming back.

He leaned his head back against the cool wood of his little corner of the training room, the one he spent most of his time in hiding from his siblings and Clary, the phone he’d bought almost nine months ago hanging limply from his hands. It was never far from his hands, and he found himself unable to resist the urge to check it again, just in case, hoping futilely, uselessly, that this time there was a text or a missed call. 

At the empty home screen, Alec’s hands clenched into fists, barely resisting throwing the damned thing across the room, shattering it for good. But he couldn’t. It was his only link now, the only way to hear Magnus’s voice, even if it was only his voicemail. He squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden rush of hot tears that threatened at the back of his eyes, even as he pressed Magnus’s name on his contacts, a wave of misery pouring through him as it went straight to voicemail once again. 

_ You have reached the number of Magnus Bane, High Warlock of New York. Clearly I am much too busy for your frivolous worries, but if you must, leave a message after the beep and I will deign to get back to you at my convenience. _

Where was he? Alec thought, digging his fingers into his thighs until the dull ache distracted him from the tears. But nothing could distract him from the memory of their return to New York after defeating Sebastian, of Magnus giving him the book of his life, all his memories, adventures and friendships and loves forged and lost written down just for Alec, the joy and promise of starting over, building the trust they had lost and beginning their relationship again, only to find that three days after their return that Magnus had disappeared. Alec had gone to his apartment, worried after having not heard from him in a few days and found it terrifyingly empty, clearly having been unlived in for days, papers scattered everywhere, a chair knocked over, evidence of someone having left in a hurry. 

Alec’s immediate thought was that he had been kidnapped and had searched tirelessly and frantically for any hint of him, any whispers of his being held captive, the memories of his terror while Magnus was being held by Sebastian still too fresh in his mind. But it soon became painfully clear that there was no sign of demonic activity, no sign that Magnus had been taken at all. No, he had simply left. And that had hurt more than anything else ever could have. 

What had happened? Why would Magnus leave him like that, without a single word, a message or a call. Was he in danger? Was he called away to help someone? Or was it the worst option of them all, and he had just decided that loving a mortal, that loving Alec, just wasn’t worth the risk, the loss, after all. 

After three long, endless months of searching, Jace, Izzy and Clary had forced him to stop, scared for him as he forgot to eat, losing weight, and barely sleeping until there were permanent dark circles under his eyes, until he looked wane, his cheekbones so sharp under his skin he was surprised they didn’t cut him when he ran a hand over his face. And since then he’d been training and working harder than he ever had, going to bed long after midnight and getting up before dawn, exhausting himself, doing anything to keep from thinking about Magnus. Not that it worked very well. 

So much had changed since they returned from Alicante. It seemed he was the only one at a standstill. Simon had gotten some of his memories back and was going to the Academy, while Izzy and him were slowly growing back to what they once were, taking it slow and getting to know each other for real this time without a war, turning into a vampire, evil shadowhunters and demonic psychopaths to deal with, and Clary and Jace were more in love than ever. It was almost sickening. Alec didn’t begrudge their happiness though. If anyone deserved it, to finally be in a place of safety and peace to just be together, it was them. He just wished he hadn’t lost the love he had so wanted, needed, as much as he needed his next breath, for reasons he didn’t think he’d ever truly know. 

Light suddenly burst into the dark room, breaking his silent, bitter brooding, making his eyes water as he swore quietly, raising a hand over his face, blinded. He lowered it as his brutalised eyes slowly adjusted, unable to hold back the heavy sigh that filled his chest as he saw Izzy silhouetted against the light from the hallway, her arms on her hips, glowering at him, Jace and Clary hovering behind her, Jace just as disapproving while Clary looked sympathetic, her lips downturned with worry she couldn’t quite hide. 

‘Alexander Gideon Lightwood,’ Izzy said between clenched teeth, pushing the doors back even wider, her dark eyes narrowed on him as she flicked the switch, flooding the room with even more light to torture his eyes with. ‘Enough. You can’t keep hiding out here, wallowing in self-pity.’

‘Don’t call me that,’ Alec almost snarled out, startling even himself with the vehemence in his voice, the pain and absolute agony of missing Magnus uncurling and striking from where it sat, always, just beneath his ribs, lancing through his chest. Only Magnus called him Alexander. He’d been the only person to give it a new meaning, to turn it into a caress, an endearment, rather than a reprimand. A disappointment. ‘And I think I have every right to deal with this anyway I want.’ 

Izzy stumbled back, eyes wide, clearly startled, hand reaching for her whip where it was curled against her hip as it always did when she had a tiny bit of adrenaline. Clary’s face went white, turning a distressed look on Jace who’s own face had gone blank, unreadable, a sure sign that he was more concerned than he’d ever say aloud. He moved forward, crouching a safe distance from Alec, giving him the space he so clearly needed, not trying to touch him. 

‘Alec, Izzy’s just worried. We all are. It’s been nine months and you’re still…’ 

‘Still what, Jace? Broken?’, Alec snapped, taking no pleasure, feeling nothing, when Jace flinched but didn’t look away, gaze unblinking, refusing to back down. 

‘If that’s what you want to call it, then sure. You’re broken, Alec, but we can’t keep watching you waste away like this. It’s not healthy and if Magnus was here, he’d say the same thing.’ 

‘Magnus isn’t here so we’ll never know I guess, ’ Alec said, his voice shaking in a way he hated, his throat starting to ache with the build up of unshed tears. 

‘He’d still want you to take care of yourself,’ Clary said quietly, hesitantly, obviously not wanting to intrude, coming to stand beside Jace’s shoulder, placing a hand on it and squeezing to offer some reassurance, feeling from his stiff muscles just how terrified he was for his brother, his parabatai. ‘At least come and eat, Alec. I ordered some soup from that deli down the street and we’re going to make some grilled cheese as well.’ 

Izzy watched him warily, twisting a strand of her long black hair, her teeth digging into her lower lip before she seemed to come to a decision and stormed forward, throwing herself down beside Alec and wrapped her arms around him. Alec stiffened for a long second, before something he’d been holding tense inside him loosened a tiny bit, enough to let himself to melt into her embrace, burying his face in her hair, breathing in the familiar smell he’d known almost his entire life. 

‘I’m sorry, Alec, I know you’re hurting. I just want to help you, make you feel better. I should know more than anyone after losing Simon that sometimes that just isn’t possible. And I swear if Magnus ever turns up here again without a good excuse he will have to answer to me and it will not be pretty.’ 

Alec let out a watery laugh, wiping his damp eyes on her shoulder, using the shield of her hair before lifting his head and looking at them all, at his family, all watching him with so much worry and warmth on their faces that he couldn’t help the twinge of guilt. 

‘I know, and I appreciate it, I really do. This is just something I have to deal with, work through, on my own.’ 

‘Just know if you need us. No matter what time, or whatever the reason, even if you’re just craving tacos at three in the morning. We’re here, okay?’ Clary said, giving him a soft smile when he nodded.

Jace nodded, taking a deep breath, relief written all over him, before smacking him on the knee as he rose to his feet, his usual grin teasing the edges of his mouth. 

‘Well, I don’t know about anyone else but those grilled cheeses are calling my name. I’m starving.’ 

‘You’re always hungry,’ Izzy said, rolling her eyes at Jace, reaching down to help Alec to his feet. 

Alec took her hand gratefully, his limbs feeling stiff and weak after hours sitting alone in the dark. He stumbled, nonplussed when Izzy’s hand snapped back unexpectedly, almost landing back on his butt, catching himself on the wall. He turned to Izzy, mouth opening to ask her he didn’t know what when he turned and saw what had her fingers reaching for his hand, spasming in surprise and possible fear, a roaring filling his head that had nothing to do with his exhaustion. 

Electricity buzzed across his skin as he took a single step back, shocked and disbelieving, as slowly against the far wall, a swirling mass formed, translucent and thick, like the deepest of waters. A portal. A portal was forming right in front of their eyes, in the very heart of the institute. Bright purple and pulsating, it only grew in size in front of their eyes, until it took up almost the entire wall, the sound coming from it a crackling roar that he’d never heard before from any portal he’d ever encountered. 

‘Clary?’ Jace yelled over the deafening sound, his eyes huge in his face, obviously afraid in a way he very rarely showed, except around his girlfriend.

Clary shook her head mutely, gaping at the mass of bright light, unable to comprehend it.

‘It’s not me, I swear. Portals are usually blue, aren’t they? This isn’t a normal portal.’

Jace rushed forward, standing in front of her, ready to protect her from whatever they were about to face, his fingers curling around the hilt of his sword. Alec did the same, ignoring Izzy as she dug her elbow sharply into his ribs, shoving her way around him uncaringly, her whip already out and ready. Alec’s fingers itched for the familiar weight of his bow in his hands, cursing himself for leaving it in his room, feeling stupidly vulnerable. Because one thing they did know about portals was someone or something always came from it. 

And they were right. As they watched with disbelieving eyes, a small figure began to form within the pulsating waves of the portal until she seemed to form out of thin air, stepping through as if floating on air, as casual, careless and confident as if she was simply stepping off a bus. The portal faded almost as soon as her booted feet touched the training room floor, leaving a quiet that was deafening in a new way, leaving Alec’s ears ringing while he stared at the young girl who couldn’t be older than nineteen now standing in front of them. 

She was only tiny, barely five foot two, almost as short as Clary, but slight, small-boned and almost fragile looking, though that was belied by the way she held herself, confident and unafraid. The skin of her arms and face was a pale gold, the rest of her covered in artfully faded and patched jeans and a light pink peasant top, the sleeves dangling almost to her painted fingertips. Her hair was dark brown and hung to her elbows, curling at the ends, and was worn with several strands in braids that had colourful twine, all blues, reds and purples and what looked like thin, delicate gold chains wrapped and braided into it. Her eyes were large and tilted upwards at the edges, and curiously seemed to be the exact shade of blue as Alec’s. 

She regarded them all coolly, gaze shifting over them in what seemed like a careless manner but Alec could see the calculation behind them, knew she was paying more attention than she seemed. 

‘By the angel…’ Clary whispered, her fingers going limp by her side as she gawked at the girl in front of her, eyes enormous in a pale face, spinning around to stare at Alec, looking between them, back and forth, as if she can’t believe she was seeing. 

Alec frowned, confused by her reaction, but shook himself inwardly, too focused on the new threat in the room to be worrying about her strange behavior. He braced himself, readying himself to fight with just his hands if he needed as Jace stepped forward, his face stony and jaw clenched, ready to protect his family, legs braced, and sword held at the girl’s chest. 

‘Who the hell are you? What do you think you’re doing portalling into the New York Institute without permission?’ 

The girl raised an eyebrow at Jace, looking him up and down for a long moment before lifting her upturned nose up and making a ‘hmm..’ noise, turning away, clearly unimpressed. 

Jace gaped at her, looking so offended that Izzy giggled, pulling her face into an awkward semblance of comfort when Jace turned to her, giving her a false betrayed look, pouting. She rolled her eyes and patted his arm in a mocking there-there motion he pushed away quickly, glaring at her. 

‘Hey, he asked you a question,’ Alec growled out, clenching his jaw so tightly his teeth ached when the girl ignored him, head tilted to the side as she studied the weapons mounted on the wall for a long moment before deigning to turn around and meet his eyes, her mouth pulling down in displeasure.

  
  


‘Oh I heard him. I just didn’t feel like answering because I’m not here to talk to him. I’m here to talk to you, Alec Lightwood.’

‘Jace…’ Clary whispered, reaching out to tug on his sleeve, her eyes only growing bigger as she saw Alec walk up to the girl, standing only inches away, the resemblance between them so uncanny it sent goosebumps down her arms. She could see the confusion in Jace’s face as he turned at her question voice, eyebrows furrowed, and knew only she could see what was right in front of them. Only she had guessed the unbelievable truth. 

‘Is that right? And why’s that?’ Alec asked, voice echoing her tone, mocking her, leaning into her space, trying to intimidate her, hiding just how disorientated he felt, out of balance, like he was missing something. Like why this girl seemed so damn familiar. 

The girl's lips twisted into a smirk as she looked at him, clearly unintimidated, and infuriatingly she seemed amused. 

‘Yeah, that’s right. Because my name is Emerina Lightwood-Bane. I’m Magnus’s daughter...and yours. And I have a few questions for you.’ 


	2. Chapter 2

The room was so silent, Alec could only think of the old saying ‘you could have heard a pin drop’, even as his mind struggled to comprehend what the girl in front of him had just stated so matter-of-factly, so many thoughts and feelings rushing through him he actually thought he felt his mind fracture under the stress. 

His skin felt stretched thin, too tight, as if a single wrong move could snap him entirely, nerves jangling and exposed, and his throat dry as he searched for something, anything to say, while he stared at the girl standing defiantly in front of him. Of all the things he’d thought would come out of her mouth when she’d turned her eyes onto him, imperiously stating she’d speak only to him, her saying she was his daughter, from the future, was one he’d never even in a thousand lifetimes would have contemplated. Threatening them, sure, warning of a danger from a demon or a rogue Downworlder, easy to believe, but his daughter? 

How could this girl think he was going to believe something so...so absurd and impossible? Because it wasn’t possible. He’d known, had accepted a long time ago that he would never have a child when he’d realised that he would only ever fall in love with another man, and it had hurt, hurt more than he’d expected, the realisation that he would have liked to be a father one day shattering in the very moment of its conception. For someone to create a scenario hitting right at his most hidden pain and vulnerability was cruel in a way that was almost Machiavellian in its accuracy. Who the hell was this girl? What was she and what was she gaining from lying to them? 

Alec felt rage slither it’s way through his veins and took a threatening step towards the girl, this Emerina, nails digging into the palms of his hands against the violence that screamed through him at this perceived threat in front of him. 

‘My daughter? You’re trying to tell me, to get me to believe that you’re my daughter from the future? You really expect I’m going to believe you’, his voice frigid and harsh, so cold the Emerina flinched back, showing vulnerability for the first time. She quickly hid it though, lifting her chin at him. 

‘Why not? It’s the truth’, she said, stance unwavering, though her eyes shifted to the others behind him, obviously taking in their fighting stances, body’s tense and unwavering, maybe sensing for the first time just the danger she had walked into. A grudging part of Alec could admire the way she hid any fear she might be feeling, facing them with the confidence and bravery of a Nephilim thrice her age. 

‘Do you really think we’re going to fall for that?’ Jace said, his sword following her as she began to walk away from them, not giving them her back, but looking around with interest. 

‘To be fair, I don’t really know you guys that well so I’m not sure what you’d fall for. But in this case, I don’t expect you to fall for anything, because I’m not messing with you.’ 

‘We will ask you one more time, who the hell are you?’ Isabelle chimed in, every inch of screaming authority, whip flickering back and forth by her side as if it had a mind of its own, ready for action. 

‘I….just...told...you,’ she said, saying the words slowly, as if talking to someone she thought immeasurably stupid. 

‘That’s not possible’, Alec said, his voice coated with disbelief, feeling light-headed, like his world was shaking on its very axis, with every word she spoke. Every word was like a stab from a tiny sharp knife into his chest, over and over, a new hurt to add to the ache he had lived with for nine months, and even before that, when he’d been hiding who he was to the world. A mocking of his most secret want that could never be. Because, despite himself, he found himself wanting to believe it could all be true. That the impossible might be possible. 

‘Sure it is. Ever heard of magic?’ she said, her lips twitching impishly, wiggling her fingers at him, golden white sparks, the exact colour of the gold ichor of angels, shimmering at her fingertips. 

They all blinked at her, surprised, except for Clary whose eyes had brightened, as if the very sight of the unusually coloured magic had confirmed something for her. 

‘You’re a warlock’, she said, sounding delighted. 

‘Well, technically half-Warlock but I took more after my dad, after Magnus, then I do my Shadowhunter heritage.’ 

‘Again, that is not possible. Downworlders are infertile, and even if they weren’t the runes of Shadowhunters kill the baby before it can even be born’, Isabelle said, her face scrunched up with scepticism, eyes narrowed dangerously on her, not shifting for a second. 

‘And if you’re a warlock where’s your mark?’ Jace demanded, looking her over as if trying to find a tail or a hoof somewhere hidden on her tiny frame. 

Emerina’s mouth fell open in obvious offence, anger colouring her cheekbones a bright red. 

‘Um...rude. Do you know how personal a question that is? I didn’t ask you if heavenly fire shone out of your arse, did I? But to get your rude ass off of mine, I will answer your incredibly ill-mannered question. I don’t have a warlock mark. I was born without one.’ 

Clary clapped a hand to her mouth, barely smothering back the laugh that fell from her almost against her will, another giggle threatening when the others turned to look at her as if she was insane. 

‘All Warlocks have marks’, Alec said, his heart aching as he remembered the cat-like green eyes that were Magnus’s mark, one he kept glamoured from the world, from everyone but him, the only person he was completely himself with, who he showed that vulnerability to. Eyes that Alec adored and longed to see again, if only for one second. 

‘Untrue. Have you ever met Tessa Gray?’ 

She had them there. Alec exchanged an uneasy glance with Jace, feeling the myriad of feelings so like his own filtering through the parabatai bond, unsure what to think or believe. The girl seemed to have an answer for everything they threw at her. But she couldn’t be telling the truth. Even if they, by some absurd logic, chose to believe her, there was the obvious obstacle to all this being true. Magnus and him were both men. Two men couldn’t have a child. It was biologically impossible. 

‘Uh guys,’ Clary piped up hesitantly, tapping her fingers anxiously against her arm as she seemed to be struggling with something before she seemed to come to a decision and blurted out so quickly the words seemed to burst from her in an almost incomprehensible gush, ‘I think she might be telling the truth.’   
‘What? You can’t be serious, Clary,’ Isabelle said, exasperated, blinking at her owlishly, expression suggesting she was doubting her sanity. 

‘You’re saying you believe her?’ Jace said, cocking his head to the side, and crossing his arms over his chest patiently, ready to consider what she was about to say.

‘She looks just like them!’ Clary exclaimed. 

‘What are you talking about?’ Alec muttered, beyond ready to just go to bed and just ignore the complete absurdity that had become his life in the last ten minutes, feeling a headache beginning to pound at his temples, rubbing his forehead irritably. 

Clary huffed when all looked at her like she was nuts, gesturing at the girl energetically, whose eyes had gone wide at her words. 

‘Come on, actually look at her, without your suspicious Shadowhunter, ‘everyone is an enemy before proven otherwise’ minds. Emerina…’

‘I actually prefer Emer. Emerina is my ‘you’re in big trouble’ name. It’s kind of putting me on edge,’ the girl, Emer, added quietly, with a new respect to her tone as she spoke to Clary that surprised them all. 

Clary’s eyes softened, nodding at her before continuing. 

‘...Look at Emer, she has Magnus’s mouth and eye shape, Alec’s hair and eye colour, Izzy jaw-line and bone structure and she even has Max’s ears. I’m an artist, I notice these details. If I'd ever thought to draw what I thought their child would look like it would be her exactly.’ 

They all stared at her silently for a moment, even Emerina, obviously stunned by being believed so readily. Alec felt his heart slam painfully hard against his ribs, leaving an ache imprint of a bruise behind on his chest as he looked, actually looked at the girl, at Emer, for the first time and took it all in. By the angel, Clary was right. He’d looked into those eyes everyday in the mirror his entire life, and how had he not noticed her mouth, the very shape of it, the way it tilted up at the edges, like it was always ready to curve into a smile was the very one he had first noticed on Magnus, the smile he had first started to fall in love with. But if it truly was....how could all this be true? It was impossible...wasn’t it?

Emer squirmed self-consciously under their scrutiny, biting her lip nervously, twisting her thumb and forefinger in the exact way Magnus’s did when he was anxious, his only tell, and he could have sworn his stomach dropped somewhere down to the floor. No, he couldn’t handle this. This was too strange, too bizarre. 

‘It’s too perfect’ Jace suddenly spoke up, his voice shattering the silence, making them all jump, shaking his head in denial, unable to accept it without proper proof, ‘How do we know it’s not just a glamour? She could be a demon for all we know.’ 

Emer snapped her gaze from Alec’s, raising her eyebrows at him, giving him a look of chagrined disbelief.

‘A demon really? That’s where you’re grasping at. You really were paranoid in the past.’ 

‘You try facing a demonic megalomaniac and get back to me.’ 

Emer pursed her lips, nodded her head after a moment, concurring. 

‘That’s fair. Here then, look,’ she said, stepping towards them, rolling her eyes when they all stiffened, going on the defense, and pressed her finger hard to the sharp point of Jace’s sword, wincing slightly at the sting and lifted it to show the drop of blood left behind, bright red against her gold skin. 

‘See, red as yours, no ichor. I’m not a demon and this is not a glamour.’

Jace and Izzy lowered their weapons, obviously mollified for the moment, battle-ready muscles relaxing a touch.

‘Okay, say we believe you. That you’re Magnus’s daughter at least...we’re not touching the whole Alec being your Dad as well just yet. Why are you here? How did you get here? What was that strange portal?’ 

Emer sighed heavily, the very breath screaming relief, sucking the sting out of her finger, mouth curling thoughtfully.

‘The second question is easy to answer. I used a time portal. They’ll be invented in a few years and they really aren’t the most important thing right now.’ 

Clary gasped at the idea of a time portal, at the implications behind the very idea, while Izzy glared at her, indignant. 

‘You can’t just say that you travelled through time, that you’re from the future, and not answer any questions about it!’ 

‘Sure I can’, Emer said, shrugging, obviously unconcerned, ‘The fact that answering your questions could completely disassemble the timeline and destroy my future is quite an incentive.’  
‘As for the first question,’ Emer’s voice grew quieter, slightly pained as she turned her gaze almost reluctantly back to Alec who watched her right back, trying to hide the very real ache in his chest he was sure was written all over his face when he looked at her, the longing for this all to be true, ‘I told you when I arrived. I have some questions.’

‘You travelled through time just because you have some questions,’ Alec managed to choke out, dumbfounded. 

‘Yes, questions that can’t be answered in the future. I can’t ask my Dad because he doesn't have any answers, doesn’t know any more than I do. Questions only you, Alec Lightwood, can answer. And since Dad believes that you want nothing to do with him, I’ve been forbidden from “bothering” you in the future. Luckily, for me at least, that promise doesn’t hold up in a past where I don’t yet exist so here I am’ 

‘Wait, why does he think that? Why would he think I’d want nothing to do with him?’ Alec asked, horror slicing through him at the thought, of Magnus ever believing he didn’t want him with him, by his side. Why would he believe that? What could have possibly in their future to make him believe something so untrue, so impossible. 

‘Probably because you stopped answering his calls, or you will, sorry hard to keep track of tenses’, Emer said, her voice growing stiff and cold, her fingers clench in obvious and sudden bewildering anger, ‘Probably because you broke up with him without a word or warning and broke his heart.’ 

The words were said so casually that it took a second for his brain to comprehend them, but when they did Alec felt his throat fill with bile, dread leaving every inch of body cold and shaking, unable to believe what he was hearing. He didn’t hear the gasps behind him or heated denials going on behind him, too lost inside his own mind. 

Him breaking up with Magnus? What kind of nonsense was this? What the hell had this girl heard? It wasn’t long before fury began to replace the shock and he shook his head vehemently, glaring at Emer, not even trying to conceal how furious he was with the assessment. 

‘I’m sorry what? He’s the one who…’ 

Alec never got to finish the sentence, however, because a shrill trilling suddenly filled the room, making them all pause, looking around in confusion. Everyone except Emer whose face had suddenly drained of all angry colour. She cursed loudly, a word that made Alec and Clary’s eyes widen, the former in horror and the latter in surprise, Jace to grin appreciatively and Isabelle to snort, clapping a hand to her mouth to hold back a laugh. 

‘Ooh I like her’, Jace laughed, rolling his eyes as they swung incredulous looks at him, ‘What? I said I liked her, not that I thought she was telling the truth. Tough crowd.’ 

‘Shit, of course the stupid phone works across time as well’, she groaned, banging her forehead with the phone before she reluctantly swiped her finger across the screen, expression bracing, eyes scrunched up.

‘Hey daddy,’ she said, putting on a false cheerful voice. 

‘Hello Emer,’ Magnus’s voice filled the room and Alec felt a shiver run down his spine, his heart clenching at the warm timbre of his voice that he hadn’t heard in so many months, beyond the repetition of his voicemail, fingers clenching involuntarily, not noticing the surprise that passed over Emer’s face as she glanced at him, at the reaction he couldn’t find the strength to hide behind his usual blankness because.... 

Magnus. It was Magnus He was so close, only on the other end of the phone, barely seven feet away. He could talk to him if only he could open his mouth but he felt frozen, throat clenching so tight he could barely breathe. But there was also something different about him, an ageless and eternal something that he could quite name. And daddy? Was this girl, this Emer, actually telling the truth? It was Magnus, he would know his voice anywhere, would recognise someone faking it. 

Izzy reached out, wrapping her hand around his arm comfortingly, shamelessly eavesdropping on the conversation, unable to believe what she was hearing. Magnus was a daddy, an actual legitimate father, not just some daddy kink thing which she wouldn’t put past him. Who would have thought it?

‘Would you care to explain why a time portal just closed in our living room?’ 

Emer paused for a long second, cocking her head to the side, speaking slowly, reluctantly. 

‘I would rather not…?’ 

‘Emerina Catarina Lightwood-Bane’. 

Emer flinched at the reproach in Magnus’s voice, her shoulders curling in slightly, whining softly. 

‘Oh come on, I really don’t think this warrants the middle name! I’ve done way worse things than this and you didn’t middle name me.’ 

‘Oh really?’ Magnus drawled, voice a mixture of amusement and exasperation that Alec knew so well he could almost picture the expression that would be on his face, pain lancing through his chest at the image that flashed through his mind, having been on the receiving end of that look so many times he’d lost count, ‘name one.’ 

‘Like the time Tavvy and I went off the grid for ten days partying with the night children in the Amazon.’ 

Magnus sighed, the sound the very definition of doting. 

‘I had forgotten about that one. It really is a talent how you can convince perfectly sensible boys along on your crazy adventures. You, my girl, are the reason for all my grey hairs.’ 

Emer rolled her eyes. 

‘You don’t have any grey hairs.’ 

‘They are figurative, of course’, he said, flippantly, before his voice changed, growing softer, the conversation clearly edging into the more serious, ‘Emer, if you’re where I think you are, if you’re doing what I think you are...it won’t help anything. Choices were made and we have to accept them….this could destroy your future as well, if something went wrong…you and No…’’ 

Emer shook her head quickly, shooting them a furtive look, turning her head to the side slightly, trying to muffle the conversation with her hand. 

‘I took care of that. We were never going to leave that to chance,’ she said, her fingers unconsciously curling around her wrist, eyes going soft and almost longing as she looked at it. 

Alec frowned, his eyes following her movement, and paused as he noticed a thin line of red, almost like a loose thread from clothing, that circled the wrist she touched. He’d never seen anything like it. What could it be? What did she mean by she took care of it? 

‘I have it all worked out. I figured it out down to the hour I have to be back. The portal back is scheduled for two days from now exactly. I swear nothing will go wrong. I promise you. You deserve to be happy, Dad. I want you to be happy.’ 

‘How could I be unhappy, malaikat? I’ve had you’, Magnus said, his voice so full of love it brought tears to all their eyes, Alec’s chest tightening to the point of pain. There was no doubt to him at that moment. This was Magnus’s daughter. The love in his voice, a type of love he’d never felt before, a love he’d heard in his own mother’s voice throughout his life, the love of a parent, couldn't be faked. So what did this mean? She claimed to be his as well. But how was that possible? 

Emer’s lip bottom lip wobbled as she shook her head, clutching the phone so hard the tips of her fingers turned white, voice thick with unshed tears. 

‘That’s not enough, Dad. And we both know it.’

‘Emer…’ 

‘I’ll be back in three days. I love you.’

‘Aku cinta kamu. Be careful. You’re all I have.’ 

Hopefully not for long, if I get the answers I want, she thought as she ended the call, taking a deep breath as she turned back towards them, her jaw clenching as she took them all in, waving her arms out. 

‘Did that satisfy you? Convinced now? I am who I say I am. I am Magnus’s daughter. Can’t you see how much he still loves you? Enough to bend to your wishes, as selfish as they are, and leave you alone. But I’m not him, I don’t care about your stupid feelings and I want to know why. I can tell you love him too, it was written all over your face when you heard his voice. You aren’t together in my future but I don’t understand why. Everyone I ever met always told me about your incredible love story you had, you went to literal hell to save my father and then what? You changed your mind? Why did you break up? Why did you break his heart? Why did you abandon us?’ she screamed, everything she’d been holding back for so many years, the hurt, the feeling of not being good enough, unwanted and rejected, rushing out of her until magic shimmered at her fingertips, threatening to burst forth, hot tears burning at the edges of her eyes. 

She hated it, hated these feelings that twisted hot and slimy in her guts, twisting until she felt she would be sick with them, hated the way they were all looking at her, shocked and pitying. As if she was somehow broken. 

Alec stepped forward, the deep, almost calm, anger racing through him, face stiff and white as he glared at her, letting out a cold laugh. 

‘Me? Break his heart? I think you’ll find you’ve got it the wrong way around. He’s the one who left me. Without a single word. He just disappeared.’

‘He had his reasons! And what do you mean without a single word? He did not leave without a word. He told me he told you and he is not a liar.’ 

‘Oh but I am?’ Alec said, voice edging into dangerous territory that had Isabelle huffing out an annoyed breath, clapping her hands so loudly that they all jumped, turning to look at her, expressions ranging from shocked to annoyed. 

‘Stop it children’, she said lightly, stepping in between them, trying not to feel too hurt, an entirely irrational reaction, when Emer moved back quickly, turning her back on them, muttering angrily under her breath. ‘This is no way to get to the bottom of anything’. 

‘Izzy’s right, Alec. We’ve established that she is telling the truth about Magnus but there’s no way that she’s telling the truth about you being her father as well.’ 

‘Uh she is right here?’ Emer said, spinning back around, her hands on her hips, long dark hair swinging around her shoulders, mouth twisting irritably. 

‘Oh we know,’ Jace said, grinning as her eyes flashed, ‘we just don’t care if you hear. ‘ 

‘Jace, be nice,’ Clary reprimanded him, smirking slightly as he let out an affronted squeak, ignoring him as she gave the girl a small smile. She’d been on the outside of this close knit group once, knew how lonely it could feel. 

Emer, surprisingly, smiled back, a bright flash of teeth so like Magnus’s that Clary blinked, watching as Alec stilled too, his eyes widening at the unmistakable proof of her being Magnus’s daughter right in front of their eyes. 

‘Test it then’, Emer said suddenly, turning back to Jace with an almost daring look on her face, raising her eyebrows at him. 

‘What?’ Alec asked, shaking his head as he came back from his thoughts, forehead furrowing in confusion. 

She rolled her eyes. 

‘Do a paternity test if you’re so sure I’m lying.’ 

‘How? Shadowhunters don’t do mundane tests and even if we did I’m sure it’s not instantaneous’, Izzy said, but her eyes had narrowed speculatively at the idea, fascinated despite herself. 

Emer shrugged. 

‘I’m sure Clary could come up with a rune that would do the job.’ 

‘Wait, you know my name?’ Clary said, leaning back slightly in surprise. 

Emer laughed lightly, nodding. 

‘Of course I know who you are. You’re still famous in both Shadhowhunter and Downworlder worlds. But we actually know each other in the future. Not formally of course, you don’t actually know who my Dad is, but we’ve met.’ 

They all went silent for a minute at that before Alec spoke up, his voice so quiet you almost couldn’t quite hear it. 

‘Do you know me?’ 

Emer bit her lip, swallowing hard before she reluctantly turned her gaze to his, shifting her weight slightly, obviously feeling awkward after their fight earlier. 

‘Yes, we’ve met too, briefly at the institute when I was sixteen. You're the head and you were on your way out for a meeting. You don’t seem to do much else honestly’. 

The words were said without bitterness but they still made Alec flinch. Angel, what was his life like in the future? 

Clary tapped her fingers lightly against her arm before nodding, walking over to pick up her sketchbook from one of the tables against the far wall, never far from hand and picked up her steele, expression thoughtful. 

‘It shouldn’t take me too long,’ she said, cocking her head to the side as her eyes suddenly went focused in the way they always did when she was creating a new rune, her hand moving almost as if of its own volition, sparks flying along the paper. 

Jace sidled up beside her, resting his chin on her shoulder, arms circling her waist in a gesture that was so natural and loving that Emer felt a slight pang in her heart, mind drifting to a pair of arms that were waiting for her back home with longing, wishing he was there with her. He would know what to do, would stop her from leading with her emotions as she often did. God, she missed him. She felt the loss of him beside her, the empty air, like she was missing a limb. Or her heart. Essential and much needed. 

‘You know I can think of a few times one such rune would really have come in handy. Sebastian and the Penhallows. You and me….’ Jace said, nuzzling Clary’s jaw until she flushed pink, giggling as she flicked at his chin, before leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his chin. 

‘Oh shush you, it all worked out in the end.’ 

‘Not fast enough if you ask me,’ Jace muttered under his breath reluctantly stepping back as Clary pulled up, ripping a piece of paper from her sketchbook and holding it out triumphantly. ‘One paternity rune, as requested. So who wants to go first?’ 

Alec’s heart began to pound against his ribs even as he stepped forward, rolling the sleeve of his ratty green sweater over his arm and holding it out to Jace who had pulled his steele out, the lines of his face uncharacteristically serious. 

Emer stepped forward nervously, her hand shaking slightly before Isabelle took it businesslike, but gently, in her own, studying the drawing Clary held out between them. 

‘Don’t worry,’ she said reassuringly, chewing her lip between her teeth as she concentrated, pressing the tip to her skin as she began to draw the rune on her wrist. ‘Clary’s marks aren’t from the Gray book so they won’t kill you.’ 

Alec’s head snapped up at that, the thought never having occurred to him, horror racing through him, a feeling he didn’t quite understand. Why would she suggest it if it might kill her? Was she crazy? 

Emer braced herself slightly, blinking when instead of the searing pain she’d been expecting she felt only a slight sting, like a scratch. 

‘I wasn’t worried about that. It’s just I’ve never gotten a rune before and I thought it would hurt way worse than this. Tattoos are ten times more painful than this’, she told Isabelle, watching curiously, as the lines formed a graceful circle. 

‘You have a tattoo?’ Alec choked out, glancing over at the skin he could see visible on her, not sure whether to be disapproving or impressed. At least runes were permanent, eventually fading into nothing but a barely visible white marking against the skin. 

Emer grinned at him, strangely pleased by his reaction. It was such a parental horror. 

‘Dad had the same reaction.’ 

‘You’ve never had a rune before?’ Clary asked Emer, obviously curious about the girl, looking up from where she’d been watching Jace’s slightly lopsided rune, his lack of artistic ability still amusing to her. 

She shook her head distractedly, pulling a face when Izzy grabbed her arm to hold her still. 

‘Nope. The threat of, you know, agonizingly painful death if I didn’t have enough angel blood in me really outweighed the curiosity so...here I am, runeless. Well, formerly.’ 

‘And all done,’ Jace said, stepping back to admire his work on Alec’s forearm, jumping slightly when it began glowing a bright white, almost blinding them all. 

They all watched, holding their breath as the white, within seconds, shifted from the bright white to an undeniable bright blue. Alec, heartbeat thick and slow, lungs feeling like they were burning for air, turned to Clary whose eyes had gone wide, swinging to stare at him, mouth hanging open. 

‘What does that mean?’ he asked, barely managing to croak out the words between his dry lips, a question that suddenly seemed unneeded, foolish even. It was clear, just from the look on her face what the answer was. 

‘Blue means positive.’ Clary said gently, her heart in her eyes as they all watched him, bracing for a reaction. 

Alec felt his knees crumple beneath him, his sight going blurry as he blindly grabbed for the wall beside him, his hands shaking as he raised them to his face, his ears ringing so loudly he couldn’t make out the sounds of Jace and Izzy crying out, didn’t feel strong arms grasping around his shoulders, holding him up. His mind raced, unable to cope with the emotions that were roaring through him, so many he could barely name them as they passed. Shock, disbelief, fear, regret, horror, and guilt, so much guilt it threatened to choke him. She had been telling the truth, she….she was his daughter. 

Alec forced his eyes to open, staring at the girl who stood in front of him, her eyes huge in her face, twisting her fingers together the exact same way Magnus did when he was anxious, and felt himself gasping for breath, hyperventilating for the first time in his life. 

‘How is this possible?’ Jace asked, so pale his skin looked almost translucent, as Izzy stood beside Alec, her hand over her mouth as she simply stared at Emer, unable to speak, more stunned than she’d ever been in her life. ‘Two men can’t have a child. I know enough of basic biology to know that.’ 

‘I wasn’t made naturally. After you all left Edom, Admodeous decided he wasn’t quite done messing with either of you. While you were there, you didn’t notice, but he stole a hair from each of you, and he used it in a very old spell, a creation spell. The runes Shadowhunters use usually kill any demon child born from the union of a Shadowhunter and a demon, but runes are only in your blood, not your DNA. So he was able to use the DNA in your hair to create a magical foetus, to create me and put me in a mundane woman he’d gotten one of his lesser demons to kidnap so I could grow. That’s where Dad is right now. He found out what he’d done and he left immediately to search for me.’ 

‘But why?’ Clary said, angrily, her fingers clenching into her fist, ‘Why would Asmodeous do that? 

‘He thought Dad got off too easily,’ Emer said bitterly, her eyes flashing with anger, fingers sparking gold once more. ‘He wanted a way to control him, wanted to use me against him, so he’d do his bidding. He always underestimated Dad. But I don’t understand. Why are you all acting like you have no idea about any of this?’ 

‘Because we don’t,’ Izzy said, her voice thick with unshed tears as she watched Alec from where he’d practically gone catatonic, staring unseeingly into space. 

‘‘Why wouldn’t Magnus tell me about you? About any of this. You said he had his reasons. Why would he keep this from me?’ Alec said, devastation coating his every word, finally lifting his eyes from Emer, his heart feeling like it was splitting in two, every muscle in his body twitching and straining to rush forward and touch her hand, her face, to prove that she was actually real, the child he’d never believed he’d get to have. But he knew from the way she was watching him, warily, that she would not welcome any such reaction from him at this point, her expression bewildered. ‘Why would he leave me without a word, letting me believe he didn’t...that he didn’t love me anymore.’ 

‘But he did. He sent you a fire message before he left. He didn’t have a chance to come in person, he had to immediately trace the lesser demon who delivered the message before he disappeared for good. He was just lucky he had Catarina, Tessa and Jem with him or he would have had to go alone. He wrote that he didn’t know when he would be back, but that he would, that he loved you and he’d be back as soon as he could with me.’ 

Alec’s face went blank, shuttered with the shock that roiled through him, somehow going even whiter than before, his brain feeling sluggish with the confusion that filled it. 

Emer bristled at the blank look on his face, mistaking it for apathy, rage filling her once again. 

‘What? Did you not even read it? Did he mean so little to you? Did you not even care? When you didn’t answer him when he got back from saving me, when you refused to answer his calls, you broke his heart. How could you?’ she screamed, shoving him back a step with her magic, hair lifting with it. 

Alec skidded slightly from the push, confusion fueled anger flushing his cheeks as he walked towards her, uncaring and unafraid of the power that stilled shifted and swirled around her clenched fists, used to Magnus’s own brand of magic, and grabbed her upper arms, holding her still gently but firmly, yelling right back. 

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about so you better think about the next time you speak to me real carefully. What bloody letter? I never got a fire message. He never sent me a letter.’ 

‘Yes he did!’ 

‘Well, if he did, where the hell is it? Because I sure as hell never got it…’ 

‘Yes you did,’ a quiet voice abruptly called from the doorway, quivering and bewildered, and all their eyes swung in that direction to see Maryse standing there, taking in the scene in front of her with such a look of disorientation, so unusual on her usually confident person, and guilt that it gave them pause. 

She swallowed hard, her eyes lifting to Alec’s, face so full of begging that a creeping sort of horrifying understanding filled him even before she said the words that followed. 

‘You just never got it because I kept it from you.’


	3. Chapter 3

The tension in the room was so thick Alec struggled to breath through it, every muscle in his body snapping taut as he stared at his Mom where she stood, hovering in the doorway reluctantly, her expression torn, looking like she wanted to be anywhere else. 

Emer yanked out of his now slack grip, looking at him like she was debating whether she was going to kick him. He was more than grateful when she instead turned and glared at Maryse, turning her ire on her. 

‘What do you mean you took it?’ Alec grated out somehow through his clenched jaw, his eyes gone hard, voice full of hurt and distrust. How could she? How could she take something she must have known would mean so much to him. How could she watch him hurting all these months and still withhold this from him, still meet his eyes and pretend nothing was wrong?

‘It’s just…’ she hesitated for a second, her eyes darting over everyone in the room, panicked, seeing the disappointment, shock and resentment quickly building in Izzy, Jace and Alec’s eyes, and rushed to explain, ‘You were so sad, Alec. So withdrawn and suffering and...you have to understand. You were just starting to come back, to be your old self again when that letter arrived and I didn’t want you to hurt again.’ 

‘Mom’, Alec began, his voice thick with panic and fear, Emer’s word from before about not answering Magnus’s calls and messages echoing in his ears, now making so much horrifying sense, ‘I was happy because we’d gotten back together. We were fixing things. Are you telling me that you’ve had his letter to me for months and you never told me?’ 

Maryse gasped, a hand rising to her mouth, eyes wide, body trembling, shame and regret written all over her usually inexpressive face. 

‘Alec, I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have…’ 

‘Where is it?’ he interrupted, not wanting to hear her words, not when they came way too late, when they meant so little. If she’d respected him at all she never would have kept the letter in the first place. 

Maryse gave him a sad, wounded look, reaching into the handbag that hung on her shoulder and pulling out an envelope, still sealed, but creased from wear and being carried around for the last nine months, worn around the edges. 

Alec’s breath hissed out in painful recognition as he recognized Magnus’s handwriting even from across the room, the sight like a blow to the solar plexuses, knocking the air from his lungs. He strode forward to take it, ripping it open slightly, not caring about the many eyes on him. He silently ignored his mother’s outstretched hand, reaching for his arm, shifting out of her reach, not wanting her apology or comfort. Now now. Maybe not ever. 

Maryse’s face crumpled behind him for a second before she seemed to remember there were other people in the room, her shoulders straightening, the calm façade she carried with her always falling over her face once more. She turned to the others, opening her mouth to speak, perhaps to explain when her gaze zeroed in on Emer, eyebrows narrowing together with obvious suspicion. 

‘Who are you? Why are you here? I don’t remember authorizing any guests at the institute.’ 

Emer gave her a quick up and down look, expression haughty and unimpressed. 

‘That’s because you didn’t. I’m not here as a guest. I’m the reason Magnus Bane wasn’t able to deliver that message in person. A mistake I will make sure that he will not repeat again, trust me. He was looking for me and unfortunately had to leave immediately.’ 

‘Well, you certainly didn’t make yourself easy to find. Magnus has been gone for almost nine months without a word’, Maryse said stiffly, lips thinning at the girl’s tone, not used to children talking to her in that manner. Shadowhunter children were taught to respect their elders. 

‘He wouldn’t have had to if you’d delivered the letter in the first place. Oh and please do excuse me for not being able to schedule my birth for your convenience. What bad manners’, Emer said, in a false sweet voice that did nothing to hide the contempt she clearly held for her, despite not even looking at Maryse. She was instead watching Alec intently, shifting anxiously in spot, obviously desperate to know what was in the letter. 

Maryse gaped at the response, her face so startled that it made Jace burst out laughing despite the seriousness of the situation. She turned to look at Isabelle, who just looked at her mother, disdain and disapproval written all over her, arms crossed over her chest, clearly not going to answer the unspoken question. 

It was Clary who answered, taking pity on Maryse who looked more bewildered by the minute. 

‘Um...Mrs. Lightwood, this is your granddaughter, Emer. From the future.’ 

Maryse simply stared at Clary, her face growing paler as she explained, swaying slightly on her feet as she turned her gaze onto Emer who looked impassively back, blanching further. 

‘By the angel, your eyes. They’re exactly like Alec’s...I think I need to sit down’, she said, stumbling towards a chair at the side of the room, slumping down into it, burying her face in her hands, taking obvious deep breaths. 

Alec didn’t hear any of it, not a single word that was spoken, too focused on the words in front of him, frozen in place, tears he didn’t even realise were pouring down his cheeks until he tasted salt coating his face, as he read the letter through blurred eyes. Everything that he’d believed these last lonely and empty months was suddenly erased, the truth finally in front of him. 

His breath hiccupped as he read the last words on the page, his whole body shaking, biting his lip to keep from sobbing aloud, from screaming. 

I know this may seem strange...you may not even be ready for this, to be a father, and I’ll understand if you’re not. But know this Alexander, I meant what I said on that rooftop in Alicante. I love you and I always will. And I promise you, I will never stop until I find our child and bring them home safe.   
Love Magnus

‘It’s all in here,’ his voice cracked as he spoke, his hands trembling so badly on the paper in his hands that it crackled before slipping from his grasp, floating to the floor. Alec raised his eyes to them, and they were so full of despair it made Emer stumble back as if from a physical blow, the physical sight of so much pain in one person making her throat tighten with sympathetic pain and guilt.

He hadn’t known, she thought with horrified realization, a line fissuring down her heart at the truth finally revealed. He truly had never known, never known about her, about why Magnus had left, he’d never abandoned them. He’d instead thought Magnus had left him, thrown away their love and their relationship as if it were nothing. Oh god, had the withholding of one letter really destroyed all their lives?

Alec ran a hand over his hot eyes, feeling fingers of ice creeping into his stomach, his whole world suddenly feeling like it was fracturing inwards, shattering around him until he felt terribly exposed, hysteria rising so fast inside him he felt dizzy with it. 

‘Everything. The ritual Magnus thinks his father used, how he had to leave immediately to find the baby, had to trace the demon who delivered the message or he’d lose the trail, that...that he loved me. And that if I wasn’t ready for a baby he’d understand.’ 

‘He thought...all this time he thought I’d chosen not to be with him because of the baby. He thought I didn’t want that with him, didn’t want to be with him if it included a child. And I….I’ve been sitting here thinking he’d changed his mind about getting back together. I could have known the truth instead of believing for nine months that he didn’t love me. That he didn’t want me anymore. How could you keep this from me, Mom?’ 

Maryse stared at him, so pale she almost looked see-through, devastation shattering her blue eyes. 

‘Alec, I’m so….’ 

‘No, do you know what this did? This letter stopped me from knowing that we have a child, from knowing my child, that Magnus had been out there all the time searching for her for nine whole months…’ 

Alec trailed off, his eyes bulging as a sudden realization set in and he turned slowly and looked at Emer who stared at him, appalled, her eyes dark and full of so much grief, grief for him and for Magnus and herself, for all that they had lost. Her fingers fiddled with the end of her shirt, just as his did when he was uncomfortable. His eyes. Angel. His eyes, inherited by the daughter that he had never known in her future, who he would never have even known existed if she hadn’t come here. 

‘Nine months…’ he gasped out, feeling like the floor had suddenly fallen away from him, drifting, ‘he’s been looking for you for nine months...you’re going to be born in the next couple of days...I can’t handle this. I think I’m going to be sick….’ 

Alec bolted from the room, moving so fast he was almost a blur. Jace and Izzy exchanged a look, not hesitating for even a second before they followed after him, Izzy stopping only to brush a soft hand down Emer’s arm, offering quick comfort in the only way she could, a silent promise to return. 

As the door closed behind them with a final click that might as well as have been a gun going off it felt so loud, Emer’s face crumpled, her thin arms wrapping around herself as tightly as she could, as the tears she’d been struggling to keep at bay bit at the back of her eyes, throat so tight she could barely breathe through. She was barely holding herself together, and wanted nothing more than to escape, to get away from the prying eyes she could feel almost like a physical touch, digging into her flesh, from Clary and Maryse. She knew it would only take one kind touch to completely shatter the fragile shield she barely held together, the one to keep her emotions and powers in check, and she would fall to pieces. 

‘It’s okay,’ Clary’s soft voice came from beside her, so comforting and sweet, Emma let out a dry sob, fingers digging into the flesh of her arms to keep the tears at bay. ‘He’ll be okay, I swear. He just needs time to sort it all out in his head but he’ll be back.’ 

Emer shifted away quickly when she felt Clary’s hand brush her arm, her entire body vibrating from the strength it took not to fall apart right then and there, so tense her muscles ached, teeth clenching so hard her jaw spasmed. 

‘Please don’t. I don’t want to cry in front of you and if you touch me…’ 

Clary nodded quickly, holding her arms up as if surrendering, a kind smile curving her lips though her eyes were sad. 

‘I understand.’

Emma gave her a wobbling smile, grateful for the understanding and took a step, dizziness falling over her as she suddenly swayed on her feet, vision greying over. 

‘Whoa! Are you okay?’ Clary cried out, reaching out to steady her but withdrawing at the last second, remembering her request. 

Emer pressed a trembling hand to her face, looking so pale Clary worried she was going to be sick, panting, swallowing back bile that had risen in her throat. 

‘Creating those types of portals takes a lot of energy. I guess it’s finally caught up with me.’ 

Clary’s eyes widened with sympathy and she waved a hand towards the door, taking slow steps beside her, hands at the ready just in case she stumbled again. 

‘Come on then, I’ll take you somewhere quiet so you can sleep.’ 

‘Wait,’ Maryse suddenly called from her chair across the room, standing up and walking unsteadily towards them, looking like she had aged a decade since she’d walked into the room, her face somehow more lined and worn. She gazed at Emer, her chin trembling as she stared at her granddaughter, who watched her back warily, resentment clear in her eyes. 

‘You have to believe me...if I’d known the truth... If I’d known what that letter contained...I would have never kept that letter from Alec.’ 

Emer looked at her impassively, clearly not believing her. 

‘Did you actually want to protect him? Or did you really keep the letter from him because you didn’t want him to get back together with a warlock?’ 

Maryse sucked in a shocked breath at the question, her breath shuddering out of her at the quiet venom in Emer’s voice. 

Clary started between the two of them, remembering being on the receiving end of Alec’s disdain and bluntness at the start and felt a kind of sympathy for Maryse. She had made a tragic mistake. But she couldn’t help but feel for Emer more, couldn’t blame her for being angry at her grandmother. After all, this mistake had altered all their lives. Alec had lost Magnus and his chance for a child, a chance that could be changed now, but it didn’t stop the hurt, not for Emer who had known nothing but feelings of hurt and anger at Alec for what she thought was his abandonment. Who had lost her chance for two parents. 

They left the room quickly, Clary standing slightly behind Emer to make sure she didn’t fall and hit her head, a conversation she really didn’t want to have with Alec, listening as Emer whispered panickedly to herself, seconds from having a panic attack. 

‘He really didn’t know. It wasn’t his fault. All this time I was so angry at him because I thought he’d chosen not to be with us, that he’d rejected us, and he didn’t even know. I was so horrible…’ she said, her voice shaking, so full of pain. Clary wished she could do something to help. But she couldn't. This wasn’t something she could fix. Only time could heal the obvious hurts and wounds that all this had inflicted on her. 

‘I’m so sorry, Emer. But it’ll be alright. He’ll forgive you.’ 

‘How can he possibly? This has hurt him so much. He really loves him, doesn’t he? Alec, I mean…my father...they really loved each other,’ she asked, her eyes bright with unshed tears, almost begging her to confirm it for her, to know for sure. 

Clary nodded, her face growing sad, green eyes bleak. 

‘Yes. It almost killed Alec to lose him. They...bring each other to life. Alec was so guarded and rigid and scared when we met Magnus at his apartment one night, looking for clues to who had stolen my memories of the Shadow world. Magnus changed all that, and Alec...Alec helped Magnus come alive, to feel again. They are...transcendent together. And they will be together. again. Everything will be alright now. Alec knows the truth, and I know him, he won’t let anything stop him from finding Magnus.’ 

‘I hope so,’ Emer said, her voice so small, Clary had to pinch herself to keep from hugging her, knowing she would not thank her for it. Strange to think that Alec’s daughter, the girl standing beside her, was actually physically older than her. She couldn’t help but feel motherly towards her, wanting to make her feel better. 

They arrived outside the door of Clary’s old room, the one she no longer used now that Jace and her were officially together, pushing it open and waving inside with forced cheer. 

‘Here we are. I’m sure you’re dying to get some sleep but if you are hungry or need anything…’  
‘I’m fine...thank you,’ Emer said hastily, closing the door quickly behind her, barely managing to let the door click fully shut before she slid to the ground, pressing her hands to her eyes as the sobs she’d been barely been able to hold back burst from her, tears quickly pouring down her cheeks, soaking her fingers within seconds. 

Her ribs ached as she curled in on herself on the floor, finding once she started to cry she couldn’t stop, barely finding the energy to drag herself to the unmade bed she could make out in the dim light coming in through the un-curtained window, flinging herself down onto it. 

All these years she’d lived with the idea that her father hadn’t wanted her, had come to terms with it, barely aching for herself any longer, more worried about her dad who she knew would never move on from that loss, wanting to fix it for him. Or so she’d thought until she’d actually been standing in front of the man that should have been her father and felt all that hurt and anger and the sting of abandonment, of not being wanted by the one person who was supposed to love her above everything else before she was even born rushing back. Only now, she had found out that all of it, everything she had believed was all wrong. It had all been a tragic mistake. A misunderstanding so easily reconciled, if only Alec or Magnus had spoken, if someone had reached out but they hadn’t, both too hurt and broken to try. 

He’d had no idea. And he wanted her. He would have wanted her if he’d known. She could have had both parents like she’d always dreamed, and Magnus would have been happy, and not had that lost look in his eyes when he thought she couldn’t see, a longing for something, someone, that wasn’t there…

Emer dragged a blanket over her shoulders, burying her face into the mattress, quickly staining the sheets with her tears, as if that could somehow bury away the guilt, or warm the chill that wrapped around her tightly, that felt like it would never leave. She’d been so cruel to him. So undeservedly cruel. Alec would never forgive her now. Never give her the chance she hadn’t even known she so desperately yearned for. 

With these thoughts torturing her, Emma slowly cried herself to sleep. 

Clary heard the barely muffled sobs through the doorway and felt her heart break, leaving her to her feelings, knowing she wouldn’t want to be overheard, going to wait for the others, wishing she could do more. 

***

Alec sat on the roof, his arms curled around his knees as he stared up at the slowly darkening sky, watching the stars blink into existence just as he had with Magnus, not even noticing as the chill slowly began to seep through his clothes. He ran a hand through his hair, clutching at the strands, trying to find something to hold onto it, feeling like he was seconds from floating off the edge of the world, mind a shattered, confused thing, racing with so many thoughts and feelings he could feel the sharp bite of a headache beginning to dig into his skull. 

For so long he’d been devastated, reeling from the loss of something he’d thought was absolute, and now he knew the truth he felt like he was floating, untethered and lost. Magnus still loved him, and had only left him, had only been risking his life all these months to save their…

Their daughter. He had a daughter. That girl downstairs, so angry and hurt and defiant, brave and smart and sarcastic, powerful and beautiful was his daughter. A daughter who so clearly was as shattered as he was by all that’d been revealed. A girl who felt abandoned by him, by actions he hadn’t even committed, not yet and not really ever, separated only by such a small thing that had altered their entire lives. 

She’d said that all he’d ever seemed to do when she’d seen him from afar had been work. Angel, what was his life like in her future? How empty it must be, without Magnus in it. He could picture himself as he was before, closed-off and angry, guarded and always alone. Never letting anyone in. He couldn’t imagine, didn’t want to imagine, that empty existence, without the flirty banter, the secret smiles, the long fingered hands that could comfort and love him, magic that never failed to take his breath away, the kleptomania that drove him sane, all the things that had become his life. Without it he knew his life would be nothing but a black hole of loneliness.

No, he refused to live like that. Refused to let that happen to either of them. He would find Magnus. And he would fix things with Emer...with his daughter. No matter what it took. 

‘Congratulations, Daddy.’

Alec winced at the cheerful proclamation, turning his head to glare at Jace as he threw himself down beside him, uncaring off the dangerous drop only inches in front of him, grinning right back at him, unabashed. 

‘Not funny.’ 

‘What too soon?’ he asked, innocently, eyes wide. He let out a loud ‘ow’ when Izzy smacked her head across the back of his head, glowering at her as he rubbed it while she perched delicately on the edge, her legs dangling over, always ready to give Alec a heart attack, turning towards him, a worried look on her face, taking his hand with hers. 

‘Are you okay?’ 

He gave a short laugh, the sound shaky and tinged with hysteria. 

‘I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what to think. Izzy, Magnus never left me...he still loves me…’ the words ended on a sob and she immediately wrapped her arms around him, kissing his forehead. 

‘I know, …I know. It’s okay,’ she leaned her head against his, rubbing his back soothingly, like their mother used to do when they were small children. 

‘You know, I think Emer might actually be even prettier than you, Izzy.’ 

Izzy reached around to punch him, smiling, pleased, at his high-pitched, ‘Shit, what?’ 

‘Way to ruin the mood, jerk. And of course my niece would be gorgeous. Genetics don’t lie’, she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

‘Don’t worry,’ Jace said when he saw Alec’s eyes widen suddenly, glancing around the roof, obviously looking for Emer, freaking out about her absence and what it could mean, ‘Clary’s with her. She’ll look after her.’ 

Alec let out the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding, the tension seeping from his shoulders, pinching his nose with his fingers. 

‘I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m acting insane, one second I’m freaking out about being a father, to a girl the same age as myself by the way, and the next I’m terrified that she’s left my sight, afraid she’ll disappear before I have a chance to talk to her, to have a chance to fix what is clearly broken here. Every time I see her, I’m so confused and more scared than I’ve ever been in my life. She has Magnus’s smile, guys. The exact shape and her tooth is slightly crooked at the front like his...and by the angel, my head feels like it’s about to explode. She seems like she hates me.’ 

‘She doesn’t hate you. She’s hurt for Magnus and herself, but she doesn’t hate you. It must seem like you rejected both of them’, Jace said, his face growing seriously, reaching out to grasp Alec’s shoulder, holding on tight, keeping him grounded, the way he’s always known how, though he probably didn’t know it.

‘Jace is right, Alec. She wouldn’t be here if some part of her wasn’t curious about you. And she knows the truth now, she knows it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure she doesn’t blame you. Not anymore.’ 

At their words, Alec felt his lungs loosen enough that he could finally take a deep, full breath again, the ache in his ribs easing in their presence. They had always been there for him, had always been able to calm him down, even if sometimes he felt like he was the only one who worried for them, who was always protecting them, being the eldest. 

‘I need to see her. I shouldn’t have run off like that. She must think….I don’t even know what she must think…’ 

‘Just remember, if you feel like you’re being tested, it’s probably because you are’, Jace told him as they rose to their feet, carefully making their way back to the entrance. 

Alec paused, raising an exasperated eyebrow at him, shaking his head slightly. 

‘Are you trying to make me feel better? Because I have to say that’s not really the way to do it.’ 

Jace nudged his shoulder with his as they walked, laughing. 

‘I’m just trying to be helpful. You’re probably going to freak out over the next few days but just remember she’s trying to get to know you, and probably to make sure you’re good enough to be her Dad.’ 

‘But I’m already her Dad.’ 

‘Take it from me, just having the title doesn’t mean you’re any good at it. We both are more aware of that than most’, he said, grimly, and Izzy nodded, lip twisting bitterly at the thought of their father rejecting Alec because of his sexuality. It might seem small in comparison to Jace’s mass-murdering sociopathic adoptive father in the form of Valentine but to them it had been the ultimate betrayal. 

Alec nodded, silently agreeing. It wasn’t a hard thing for him to agree with. He’d already decided to do everything in his power to prove to her that he wasn’t who she’d thought for all these years. Not that he had any idea where to start. 

They made their way downstairs, all quiet, lost in their own thoughts, to the second floor where they found Clary anxiously waiting for them. She paced back and forth across the hallway, not even noticing their arrival, biting at her already short fingernails, looking worried and drawn, her forehead crinkled. 

Jace moved away from them, walking quickly to her side as she looked up, giving him a strained smile, as he curled an arm around her waist, pulling her against his side, kissing her head tenderly. 

‘You alright?’ he whispered, breathing in the smell of her hair, feelings the muscles in his shoulders relax at the reassuring press of her body against his, the feeling of home that always came with her easing the tightness that had coiled inside him, watching Alec panic on the roof. 

Clary nodded against his shoulder, melting into him, leaning her back against his front. 

‘Where is Emer?’ Alec asked, glancing around, anxiety curling in his stomach when he realized she wasn’t with Clary as Jace had promised. 

‘She’s asleep,’ Clary reassured him quickly, stepping forward, rolling her eyes lovingly as Jace wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her from going too far, giving Alec a small, sad smile. ‘Creating the portal really drained her, it took most of her energy to even create it so I took her to my old room to get some rest. She was...she was pretty emotional after you all left...she’s worried she really messed things up with you. Thinks that you must hate her. And then she had a bit of a….disagreement with Maryse… She wanted to be left alone after that.’

‘I think…’, Clary bit her lip, hesitating for a second, but she knew she couldn’t keep it from Alec as he waited, patience clearly waning as he gestured for her to continue with jerky movements, ‘I think she was crying.’ 

Alec closed his eyes, face scrunching up like he was in pain before he let out a deep, shuddering breath, opening them again. 

Angel, he wished Magnus was here. He would know how to fix this, would have the words to make everything, everyone, feel better. Alec had never been good at that type of thing, at being the peacemaker. He tended to avoid confrontation if he could, fading into the background. But that just wasn’t possible this time. He needed to face this. And, more so, he wanted to. He just had to find the words first. 

‘I’ll check on her soon. But I’ll give her her space for now. I need to talk to Mom first and tell her I’ll be taking a few days off. I want Emer to know she’s more important than...well anything else going on right now.’ 

‘Good. You’ve been working non-stop for months now, you’ve earned some time off. Time together will be good for you both. And if Mom has anything to say about you taking time off, telling her to shove her opinion...well, somewhere unholy if you catch my drift’, Isabelle said, grinning when Alec just shook his head at her, exasperated but clearly amused from the way his lips twitched. 

‘Thanks, Iz, I’ll take that into consideration,’ he said, ruffling her head, ignoring her huff as he turned towards Clary, giving her a small, tired smile.

‘Thanks for looking after her, Clary.’ 

Clary smiled at him, shaking her head. 

‘No need to thank me. She’s lovely. I’m more than happy to do it anytime’. 

‘Except when she’s a baby. I don’t do diapers’, Jace chimed in, laughing when Clary elbowed him in the side, digging his fingers into her ribs making her giggle. 

‘I second that’, Izzy said, wrinkling her nose at the thought of all the mess, making Alec shake his head again at their antics and walk away, not wanting to even think of...well, any of that yet. He was too preoccupied with the nineteen version of his daughter down the hall right now. He would deal with the baby version when she was here. 

They watched as Alec walked down the hall, towards the stairs and Maryse’s office downstairs, his shoulders slumping as he took the stairs slowly, obviously reluctant to face his Mother after everything that had been revealed. Jace bit his lip, the fingers on his free hand clenching into a fist. 

Clary glanced down, her heart clenching at the sight, curling her own hand over him, releasing them one by one until she could slip her fingers through his, squeezing comfortingly. 

‘I hate watching him go through this and not being able to help him, to fix this for him’, he muttered quietly, for only Clary to hear, feeling grateful when Izzy said a quiet goodnight and went to her room, giving them some privacy, knowing Jace didn’t like to be vulnerable around others. Well, anyone other than Clary. 

Clary lifted up onto her toes and pressed a soft, brief kiss to his lips, wrapping her arms around him. 

‘I know. I hate it too. But they’ll be alright. They’ll figure it out and in the end just think, you’ll have a brand new baby niece. Uncle Jace has a ring to it.’ 

Jace's face lit up, the look so reminiscent of a little kid at Christmas, that it made Clary burst out laughing. 

‘I’m getting to teach that kid so many tricks with a dagger.’ 

‘Maybe wait to give Alec a heart attack until she’s at least ten,’ she said, patting his cheek, listening, amused, as he continued to talk about all the things he would teach Emer, even as she dragged him to their room. 

****

Alec took a breath before he reluctantly knocked on the door of his Mom’s office, feeling his neck grow tight as her voice called through, telling him to come in. He let himself in, standing awkwardly in the doorway, not wanting to cross the threshold, taking in the utilitarian space, sparsely furnished with just a single wooden desk in the centre of the room, two chairs, one already occupied by his Mom, on either side and a black filing cabinet.  
He had always hated coming into this room as a child, and that feeling had not diminished as he had grown into adulthood, the same feelings of being a nuisance, interrupting and being unwanted, leaving him stiff and on edge. 

Maryse sat slumped over her desk, one hand in her hair as she read over a report, her forehead and eyes lined with exhaustion. She glanced up when no-one entered the room, blinking, coming back to the present, surprise filling her eyes as she saw Alec in the doorway, rising to her feet. 

‘Alec…’ she began, the words dying on her lips when Alec raised on hand, interrupting whatever she was about to say. 

‘I’m not here to talk. I just wanted to let you know I'll be taking the next two days off to spend with my...to spend with Emer. I think I’ve more than earnt the time off’, he said, the words stiff and uncompromising. 

Maryse swallowed, nodding her head. 

‘I agree. I think that is the right decision to make.’ 

Alec stared at her, stunned by the easy agreement, but nodded without commenting, glad to not have a fight on his hands. He was in no mood to argue.

He turned to leave, pausing when Maryse suddenly spoke up, her voice soft and hesitant, something he’d never heard from her, used to her being eloquent and decisive in everything she said and did. 

‘She’s very...straightforward, your Emer. She reminds me so much of you. Not just in looks, though no-one could ever deny she was yours, with her eyes and her bone structure, but in temperament. She’s so like you were before...before you met Magnus Bane. So closed off and angry and wounded, though I didn’t realise it at the time’.

Alec stared at her, his heart speeding up in his chest as he watched her press a hand to her eyes but not quick enough to hide the sudden sheen of tears in them, holding his breath as he waited for her to speak. The words she was speaking...he didn’t think she’d ever acknowledge what had always been unspoken between them, the lack of acceptance he’d felt from his own family, the inability to be who he was with them, afraid to be a disappointment, for them to be ashamed of him. 

‘You were never truly yourself with us, were you, baby? Not even with Jace or Izzy or Max. You couldn’t be yourself, didn’t allow yourself to feel what is natural to you, and for that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that we...that I made you feel you had to hide that part of you, that you had to pretend around us and close yourself off. That we made you feel ashamed. It pains me that we were losing you by not just looking and seeing you, by not looking close enough, for being too distracted by work and the clave and our own issues.’ 

‘Well, my instincts about you being ashamed turned out to be true with Dad,’ Alec said, bitterness leaving a sharp, acidic taste in his mouth. It frustrated him that his father’s rejection of him, that cold, embarrassed dismissal, still left parts of him aching and bleeding. He wished he didn’t care, wished it didn’t hurt him like it did. 

Maryse’s eyes hardened at the reminder of her husband’s treatment of their only remaining son, fingers clenching on the edge of her desk, but her voice was soft and loving as she spoke, holding no trace of the anger that burned inside her. 

‘I can’t change what your Father feels but I can speak for myself and tell you that nothing could ever change how I feel about you, Alec. I’ve loved you since before you were born, and I will love you until the day I die. No matter who you love. You’ll understand that feeling soon enough. Fair sooner than I expected, granted,’ she said, her face growing amused, lips twitching up, ‘I’m too young to be grandmother.’ 

At the thought of Emer, Alec took a step into the room, needing, despite himself, despite everything still unresolved between them, the comfort of his Mom for the first time in years, moving into her arms that opened immediately for him, holding him tight. 

He squeezed his eyes shut against the hot tears appearing at the back of his eyes, sinking into her embrace as her arms tightened around him. 

‘She’s so hurt by all this,’ he said, his voice thick with unshed tears, ‘I don’t know if I’m the person who can fix it. I don’t know how.’ 

‘Just show her you care. That’s all you can do. Be there, get to know her. It’ll mean more than you think.’ 

Alec nodded, more thankful than she’d ever know for the advice, pulling back and giving his Mom a tight nod, not trusting himself to speak again without breaking down. Maryse seemed to understand, reaching up to caress his cheek for a second before letting him go. 

‘As far as it counts, though Magnus Bane is not who I would have picked for you, it’s impossible not to see how much he loves just by the way he looks at you. He can’t hide it, and he doesn’t try, looking at you like you’re the most incredible person he’s ever seen, and I can’t help but approve. What parent doesn't want that type of devotion for their child. And I’m sorry. I truly didn’t mean to hurt you or anyone else. I’m glad you’ll get the chance to fix this, despite my mistake’, she said, her eyes wide and full of unspoken regret, hands twisting together anxiously.

‘I can understand why you did it. It will take me awhile to forgive it...but I think I can. One day.’ 

Maryse let out a shuddering breath, her eyes shutting for a second before she opened them and nodded. 

‘I understand.’ 

Alec went to leave, pausing when he reached the doorway, tapping his hand against the frame for a second before he turned back to find Maryse back behind her desk, though her eyes were still watching him, face open in a way he only vaguely remembered it being when he was a small child, before her marriage and the banishment by the Clave had closed it off. 

‘I love him too. Magnus, I mean. I adore him.’ he told her, wanting, needing her to know what he felt for the man who was the love of his life, the only man he ever wanted to kiss and spend the rest of his life with, who he hoped would one day be his husband. Though the word seemed inadequate for all he felt for him. 

Maryse smiled at him. 

‘I know. Goodnight, Alec.’

Alec echoed her goodnight, closing the door behind him as he left the office and sagged against it, relief flooding through him, along with a tinge of mild disbelief. For the first time since he’d first realised he was attracted to other boys, and not girls, since the weight of that carried secret had settled on his chest, he felt it had lifted, as if he could take a deep full breath. His Mom knew who he was and she loved him anyways. She was happy for him. 

He carried that knowledge with him up the stairs, taking them two at a time, almost giddy, wanting to tell Izzy or Jace about the conversation but paused at the top when he found it dark and empty, the others already gone to bed. 

He was disappointed for a second, before he shrugged, resigned to waiting to tell them in the morning. Now all he wanted to do was sleep, his bones feeling heavy and weary with exhaustion. But he found himself walking past his room, unable to understand the urge that roared through him, an instinct, but he couldn’t ignore it, didn’t want to. He just knew he would be unable to sleep a wink until he checked on Emer. 

He knocked on her door gently, not wanting to startle her, waiting outside for a few minutes, unsurprised when he was greeted by nothing but silence. He slowly opened the door, not wanting to upset her just in case she was purposely ignoring his knock, wanting to be left alone, ready to close it with just one word from her. 

He blinked to adjust his eyes to the dim lighting, able to make out her small form in the tiny light that shone inside from the hallway, curled up on the bed in a tight ball, hands wrapped around a pillow, cuddling it to her chest. She looked so young, face open and vulnerable in a way she didn’t let herself be awake. 

Alec felt an ache form in the centre of his chest, as he saw her cheeks were damp with tears, strands of hair sticking to them. She’d obviously been crying in here, all alone in a time and place where she must feel so lost and out of place, while he’d been upstairs freaking out when he should have been here, comforting her. 

He needed to fix this. He would fix this. He would make sure she never felt like this again, never once doubted that he wanted this, wanted to know her and that he was thrilled to be her father. She had no idea how much he’d wished for a child of his own. How much he’d wished for her. She was a miracle to him and he would make sure she knew it. That she always knew it as she grew up. And once he had Magnus and her back he would never let them go again. 

But those plans...finding Magnus and saving Emer from her demonic grandfather, a location she clearly knew, could wait till tomorrow. 

For now, he thought as he closed the door behind him, all he wanted to do was get a good night's sleep so he was rested and ready for tomorrow. For the first time in a long time, he looked forward to waking in the morning, excited for the day to come.


End file.
